I became a mom to a pretty cool little guy back in 2014, he came into the world at 5:41am after 27 hours of me furiously trying to evict him; he obviously gave in as hes currently upstairs screaming NO to bedtime.

In the 2 years that I’ve been a mother, I’ve noticed a sad, but very common trend: Moms need mom friends. Mom tries to make friends with other moms and half of the women look at you like you have a horn growing out of your head and while I like to tell myself they give that look to you because they are shocked that finally SOMEONE wants to be their new BFF, the truth is, we are to wrapped up in our phones at play time, and nap time becomes the time where we women get some quick crumb sweeping onto the floor to vacuum later so we can sit down and finally take a breather and not feel like we’re going to lose it. I’ll give you some examples of how it goes when you try to find a mom friend:

You casually strike up conversations of things you have in common with your children and theirs, you laugh, you compare, you laugh some more, you both seem to hit it off…”this is going kind of great” you think to yourself…then you kind of awkwardly ask for their phone number…and surprise! They give it to you! HOLY CRAP! You enter their number into your phone with a promise to text later that evening and try to make a play date…and you do just that. You get home, you get the counters wiped down and the laundry picked up off the floor and tossed into the basket a whole two feet away and you sit down…you type out some generic ‘hi! It was great to meet you tonight!’ and then…silence.After a few days you try to say hi again thinking maybe she just had mom brain, it happens. Another Hi, another hows it going and hope you’re doing well…and silence again. Another few days and your nervously pick up your phone and then put it back down, I mean…I can take a hint right? right…?! “Hi! its Mandy! Would you guys like to get out of the house and go to the library? They are having story time! I bet your littles would love that! It starts at 2, see you there?” and as you watch your phone like a hawk, pray to all that is holy you get a response…and FINALLY…yeah, no finally. You basically just spent a week trying to ask some woman out on a mom date who clearly isn’t that into you.

The next approach goes sort of like the first but you usually meet them at the park, they are on their phone ignoring everything and everyone…hey no shame in your facebook game, stop stalking that one guy though, seriously, I’ve watched you go back and forth looking at this profile more times then I go back for coffee in the morning….You casually strike up a conversation, ask about their kids, get half hearted answers as this mom wears a chip on her shoulder the size of Texas….you still try though cause why not? You’ve tried everything else….You ask about her kids, her work, what color the sky is and she finally manages a slight smile and says ‘sorry, this is the only time I get to myself so….’ and you go back to kicking the stupid sand at the bench while she facebook stalks some dude.

So really, it doesn’t seem to matter where you meet other Moms, some are super friendly but you just dont ‘click’ or have much in common, some are really rude and make it clear they could care less you’re trying to be friendly…and others pray upon those they think are weak, use you, gossip about you, and are, in general, asshats. Its all kind of sad really, we’re all parents and we could all use some good play dates so really…what exactly does it take to snag a mom friend? I’ve tried facebook, craigslist, mommy and me friend app, i’ve tried randomly (but friendly) talking to other women in the store, at the park, in restaurants. I’ve tried being polite/sarcastic/amusing/supportive/or just disinterested and nothing…NOTHING works. Meanwhile I have a 2 year old who is pretty fun for the most part who would love some friends his own age and the more I try for him, the more I fail.

So im left with a few options. My child hood friends and I have drifted to the point where we dont know each other anymore, and you know? Thats ok. No hard feelings! Life happens, people move, people change, you talk every once in a while but you no longer really know that person, and some of those people have left a pretty bitter taste in your mouth so its healthy and normal to move on from those friendships. I figured since we’re living back on the east coast (in the state I call home with all of my family and childhood friends less than 20 mins from me….) and are going to buy a second car, why not get involved at the local library, join a mommy and me class, and just focus on my son. Hes outgoing and has no trouble making friends all on his own, he doesn’t really need my help in that area so lets hope my little guy makes some buddies with parents who will want to stay in touch so we can let the littles have fun every once in a while at the park, or a different class, anything really. I’ve tried for two years now and failed each time….I’ve reach out to cousins, to random strangers, to friends and I keep getting silence or a ‘maybe another time’ kind of responses. And thats ok. I still have my hopes on a few ladies i’ve recently reached out to and if that fails we at least have the classes/parks/etc to go to and keep on trying.